Never-ask-a-gay-man-for-directions 1

Alex mason pre-game

Alex Mason worked for some dudes in Cuba to kill a cholo leader. He fails terribly, and was thrown into jail in Russia and fell in love with Reznov. The prison guards said that gay love affairs weren't allowed, so they escaped with a step by step plan that they got from some kid in Alex made it out but Reznov didn't and was raped in a train filled with Russians. Alex went into a deep depression because after a shitty escape plan, his soulmate didnt make it, so he overdosed on drugs, especially mushrooms. He starts seeing Reznov and starts acting like Reznov from the massive effect of the massive amount of over 30g of shrooms he took. He does some crazy stuff with Hudson River and a beaver, like go into a smoke factory that makes NOVA 69 and killing an old fart. After he kills the dusty old fart, the Hudson River and a beaver knocks out Alex Mason and takes him into interrogation. They say random things for hours but Alex cant stop talking about how much he loves Reznov. Suddenly though, Alex escapes from the interrogation chair and begins tripping out and starts having furry hallucinations. After he's cockslapped in the face by the Hudson River he finds out the location of some random ass ship that has nova 69 missles, and tells the Hudson River about it. The Hudson River puts on his rapist glasses and agrees to blow the ship up. So afterwards Alex along with beaver and the Hudson River goes on a fun helicopter ride around the ship while shooting the stinky Russians on it, and then finds out that that old fuck Dragosandvich is hidden in his super secret under water lair! WHHHHOOOOAAAHHHHH!!! So then Alex and his friends get some conveniently placed scuba gear in the ship and go to the lair only to shoot more stinky Russians, a few wearing bomb suits for who knows what reason, and finally finds that old dude. Then he goes and drowns that old sod. Then some asshole pushes the self destruct button inside the secret lair to add drama to the story. Alex and his buddies somehow excape the lair even though they don't have their scuba gear and the fact that they were like a million feet under water. When Alex finally swims to the top he is greeted by a beaver and the Navy SEALS. Beaver is like "We won!" And then Alex looks at all the ships/navy dudes/jets and is like "FUCK YEAH! AMERICA!!!" and that's the end.

Oh yeah, and in the very end you find out that he shot President Kennedy or something.


  • He likes macaroni and cheese!

Final convo with ReznovEdit

Alex: Freedom!!!

Reznov: For you Alex

Reznov(to himself): Finally, I had enough of that guy, his {Explective} was soo small